Reflections
I feel like there’s not enough time. I need to use my time more effectively. I haven’t done enough, nearly enough. I need to make more, do more, challenge myself. Because right now, I am not doing enough. I just need to push myself more. I’m disappointed by how I’ve let myself down, how I’ve not made enough art, succeeded enough. I’m 18 and I need more to show I was here, that I’ve made some sort of difference. It’s scary to see how little I’ve done and how much time is 18 years. It really scares me, and makes me sad. I can’t let this happen. I know this sounds a bit OCD but it’s always on my mind now. I’ve become more conscious of every single second, of every hour that I’m not using effectively. I need to take more opportunities at school, do more than just the work. Taking classes, being a student, getting good grades, having fun…that is not enough. I have a purpose, and that is not living up to the purpose. I have no desire to be mediocre, or to be lazy. ugh…
and so, new year’s resolution—DO EVERYTHING for your dream, Susannah. Don’t let the daily life stuff get in the way. Always put art first. Always. Push yourself. HARDER. every day, MORE.
